I used to believe that being a contributing member of society was important.  You needed to care about your fellow woman and man, and do what you could for your community.  It’s a value we tried to impress onto our children, showing by example by getting involved on local committees and organizations.

fear-4But now I am losing heart – though that’s putting it mildly.  It’s been a bad day.  I feel sick, dizzy, nauseous.  I just heard that my son had to go home from work after vomiting.  I think many of us feel like vomiting.

There is no making sense of this.  It’s as if this was in the plan all along.  That there is some faction that is controlling the outcome of the election and we have no say, no vote.  Feeling a bit disenfranchised?

And Hillary who thought to do good, to take the high road, try to bring people together, to try to make it work for everyone.  Fat chance.  I feel guilty that I’ve brought up my children to have such idealism, to think the better of people, because apparently that is not who we are as a nation.



I need to remember that I am not defined by who we are as a nation.  I did not contribute to the creation of the bigots and haters, the racists and misogynists, even if my life can be effected by them.

But how can I protect myself, my family and friends from the ill effects of this angry mob?  We can’t stay locked in our bubble fear-2and expect that the thin layer will provide sufficient shelter.  I feel more vulnerable now than ever.
This is the gut wrenching, sinking feeling that now possesses me.  I want to give it all up and retreat to a safe haven, but there is none.  Our communities, our homes, our livelihoods, our savings are all at risk.


screen-shot-2016-11-09-at-4-47-33-pmWe have no way of knowing what this nut case and his conspirators will do.  This was the fear all along.  The fear has now intensified.

Personally, it’s been a trying few weeks.  I wrote about loss and balance a few weeks ago, and the same theme is now repeating.  My general optimism has transitioned to guarded steeliness.  The toxicity level in my blood has risen to perilous

levels, screen-shot-2016-11-09-at-4-49-33-pmthreatening brain function, rationality or any dream of thoughtfulness or concern.  Except for those nearest and dearest – the rest of the world is on its own.

And so they have won.  They have worn us down to an anxious and uptight populace, hanging by a thread. Right where they want us.  No safe harbor, only self-defense and protectionism.


A sad day in US history.

A sad day in world history.

A sad day in my life and in the lives of many.